Journal #5 Confirmation or Cremation?

Since my last entry, a lot has happened, both good and not so good. The best part was my confirmation, though Belicia got confused between confirmation and cremation. I only hoped the vicar hadn’t got confused as well!
It was such a lovely service with a lot of our friends and family there with us.We were treated to two full immersion baptisms as well. I can’t show them on here, but look them up, they are amazing.
There was also a buffet lunch afterwards that was really nice. So many people helped to set everything up, and I was really grateful to all of them.
It was great to see my friends and my brother who I haven’t seen for a while.  We chatted about our mum who is now in a hospice. She is up and down and in reality, I am not holding out hope. All I do hope is that it doesn’t drag on too long if it’s going to happen.
The next day was a bit of a shock, the weather was terrible and in the afternoon I had the worst anxiety attack in a long while – certainly since I had started taking my medication.
Thankfully, it didn’t last too long, but it was awful. I couldn’t speak to the till assistant in the shop. I managed a quick thank you and left before they could say anything else. That is the worst thing about it. The uncontrollable feeling that it gives you, like you have lost all rationality in your mind. My countermeasures had little effect, if my mind were playing war games, it would have launched the nuclear missiles and headed for the fallout shelter.
Thankfully, calm has been restored in many ways. My mind and my anxiety have thrashed out disarmament talks which will only result in a temporary ceasefire, and I am back to writing. It could have been worse, that’s what I always tell myself.
Anxiety Level – 10+

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