Santa’s Little Helper

santas little helper

I’m sure that most people have had to make up a quick excuse at some point in their lives. The reason that led me to do this recently, was not your typical scenario. You might need to think quickly when you get caught eating the last cake, or when you all those Amazon parcels arrive. However, I think even the most seasoned white lier would have trouble with my latest example.

A Good Cause

Kirstie and I have a friend that volunteer for the Red Box Project in our area. It’s an initiative that provides feminine sanitary products to women and young girls that can’t afford to get them themselves.  So, when she asked if we could help her collect some donations for the project, we were of course, more than happy to oblige.

She came out with four carrier bags full of sanitary products an put them in our car. I then dropped off the wife and our friend so I could take Bea to her tutor. I usually stay in the car outside as it is easier than driving home and back again, so I took out my laptop and started to do a little work.

Prying Eyes

I then noticed a light out of the corner of my eye and turned to see a woman looking through her kitchen window at me.  I suddenly became highly nervous, but I wasn’t sure why. I also started to think that maybe she imagined I was a prowler or that I was spying on her.

Thus began my overactive imagination, and what I was expecting to happen became more outrageous by the minute. Imagined that she was now reaching for the phone, and calling the police to report a dodgy character sitting outside her house.

With this in mind, I thought about what would happen if they turned up. How would I justify my reason for being there? Well, I was waiting for my daughter to finish with her tutor which was totally plausible and true.

I then glanced into the back seat.

The Dilemma

I saw the bags of new tampons and sanitary pads in the carrier bags, and suddenly, my plausible excuse was turned on its head. All of a sudden, my daughter going to the tutor was a clever ruse to fulfill my perverted fantasies. All I could hear was the police officers voice saying ‘why do you have these bags of sanitary products in your car, sir?’

I then began to think of perfectly logical reasons for these being here. I decided that denying all knowledge of them was fruitless, as was claiming they were on a Black Friday deal and ‘too good to pass up.’ I then thought about saying that my wife asked me to get them for her as she has a particularly bad time at this time of the month. However, four carrier bags worth would almost certainly have led to some strange looks.

Decent into Madness

I then came up with arguably the most outrageous excuse I have had to date. I figured I would say that I was helping to deliver these to disadvantaged women on behalf of my friend, akin to Sants’s little helper. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I would drop them down their chimneys, or that I would go inside the house, only that I would drop them through the letterbox.

Thankfully, by this point, my daughter had finished, no police were called, and my elaborate story didn’t need to be told.

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